I met a guy this weekend that was pretty anti-marriage. He "jokingly" predicted my husband & I only had about 5 more good years left. Then, divorce. While that isn't something I find particularly funny, I wasn't offended. I get it. Marriage IS hard and there are a lot of people in unhappy marriages. Most people my age have divorce somewhere in their family. I can't even guarantee that my own marriage won't end that way.

I can, however, fight for my marriage. On my way home that night, I made a mental list of things I could do for my husband to keep him encouraged and let him know that he is loved. I wanted to share some of my ideas with you.

Practical Ways to Encourage Your Spouse:

Pray for them. Pray with them or without them. When Fleet is really discouraged, he'll ask me to pray for him right there.
Bring them something. To be honest, I don't think it matters what it is. Sometimes i'll make coffee without telling Fleet and just bring him some. He loves that. Or i'll heat up our bed buddy and put it on his neck without being asked. ("bed buddy" is just a sock with rice in it... in case you were thinking of something weird.)
Write them a note. Fleet did this for me the other day and it made my week.
Tell them what you like about them. When has anyone in the history of the world NOT wanted to hear that?
Initiate some kind of activity that is strictly "their thing". For Fleet, it would be me watching him play games. Maybe even put my knitting down and actually watch. Maybe.
Speak truth to them. Remind them of God's goodness and how faithful he is. Sometimes this can fall on deaf ears, because hello, they are discouraged. That's OK, just use your discretion.
Listen to them. Create a space where your spouse can tell you absolutely anything without fear of judgement. That means you don't make them feel bad for anything they say. You ONLY listen. No matter how hurtful/scary/alarming what they are saying is. I will admit, I haven't mastered this. But there have been times in our marriage I have said some things that probably weren't fun for Fleet to hear. He is so good at letting me just get it all out though. A lot of times, the Holy Spirit will correct my thinking- I just need that safe space to verbally process something. Are you giving that to your spouse?

Sometimes we don't want to encourage our spouse because we are discouraged, too. That's where I was this weekend. Fleet was down and that is not how I wanted to spend my weekend. I sulked for a night because I'm awesome like that. The next day, still almost against my will, I found myself walking into the bedroom where he was napping and asking how his neck was doing. (He has tons of neck pain). I decided to give him a massage. A weird thing happened: I was encouraged. Serving someone has a way of softening your heart and allowing you to remember why you love that person.

As I was looking over the list above, I realized almost every single one of those things would encourage me just as much as it would Fleetwood. I remember that my husband was hand-picked for me from before time began for a specific purpose. (Probably more than just one.) I remember God made it clear to me that this marriage was not by accident. I remember that Fleet is SO funny, so creative, so witty. I remember that he is a wonderful, kind human being that would do just about anything for me. Finally, I remember that I need to encourage him because it's good for me, too.

The note Fleet wrote me with my old initials "MKS". Not sure if it was on accident or on purpose, but it was super cute. Along with the teddy bear situation.

Midna, the ultimate encourager/loyal napping buddy.

Practical Ways to Encourage Your Spouse

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