Vesper's Birth Story

I was really lucky to have an easy pregnancy. There were no complications and I got to work out the whole time. The day I reached 40 weeks though, I stopped liking being pregnant. I know its not likely that you go into labor exactly on your due date, but that’s the date you plan everything around: the countdown on your pregnancy app, the time you’ll keep working, what you tell people who ask- it all revolves around this date. November 6th came and went and I was not happy about it.

When you reach your due date, you go in to the doctor every day. I didn’t mind doing this because a doctors appointment somehow feels like “progress”. It’s funny looking back because I know waiting one more week really isn't that long. But when you’re in it, it feels like a lifetime. So every day I would go to the doctor and he would do a membrane sweep to try to naturally induce labor. The nurses looked at me like I was some kind of anomaly. “You’re still here!?” I really didn’t want to get induced because i’ve heard it makes the labor much harder and I wanted to try to have a natural birth. She would come when she was ready, right?

One of the things I enjoyed most about being pregnant was my daily phone call with Megan. She has always been my biggest fan and she loved all my daily updates. She would call me every single day and say, “Let’s talk about babies!” I would tell her funny things I read on the pregnancy boards: “Megan, did you know people actually change the date they get induced because they just don’t like the sound of it?” Megan: “Yeah, I did that.” Her daughter Ava was supposed to be born on the 13th and we both agreed that’s a bad date to be born on. (Phew- close one!) We talked about how no one in our family seems to go into labor naturally and how cool it would be to get to experience having our water break at home. We talked about nursery themes and where to get the best swaddles. I learned that Megan reads every single manual she gets from cover to cover. This made me feel way better about the fact that I didn’t read anything… at least someone was doing some research.

Fast forward a week and I woke up crying. (Actually not that unusual for an enneagram 4. JK that doesn’t happen…often.) I wasn’t physically that uncomfortable, but mentally I just couldn’t take it anymore. I told Fleet that I wanted to be induced that morning. When we got to the doctor, he suggested that we wait ONE more day. He said he felt very strongly that she would come on her own that night, and if she didn’t I could get induced the next morning. So we scheduled an induction and I felt relieved to at least have a plan. I was a little bummed that I was going to have to get induced, but I was over “the plan.” It was November 13th.

I texted family and friends telling them what the doctor said and asked them to pray that she could still come naturally. Fleet picked up Chick-fil-A for us and I ate both our sandwiches before we got home. (Oops.) We were home for about an hour before labor started. My friend Shannon-she has the gift of faith and prays big prayers- she prayed that my water would break right then…AND IT DID! That was really special to me because I’ve always wanted to experience what that felt like. Turns out having your water break naturally to start labor happens to less than 10% of women. It really only happens in the movies. It felt weird, and now I know.

I thought we had some time and decided to just take it slow. Meanwhile Fleet was instantly in dad mode and stressing about getting to the hospital on time. I thought that was really cute. Another cute thing was my first contraction. They start out so innocent! I snapped this picture and then we got on our way:

The last picture I took before we went to the hospital! (41 weeks pregnant)

I got to pick the music in the car since I was the one in labor. (Sometimes he makes us listen to silence- bleh!) I picked the song “No Expectations” by the Bahamas. It’s funny because I didn’t take hardly any pictures after we left the house, but I remember so many details. I don’t know if i’ll ever forget the drive to the hospital (an old man flipped us off for no apparent reason and we both thought it was hilarious), the waiting area by the triage unit with the nurses watching their monitors, or the labor & delivery room they put us in overlooking Austin. All these little things added up to answer the question in my mind of what it would really be like.

Turns out it was one of the busiest days the hospital has ever had. They ended up having 25 births in 24 hours. Luckily we still got our own (nice) room, but we only had one nurse. That meant Fleet was going to have to do a little more work than either of us pictured.

I wasn’t determined to do a med-free birth, but I wanted to try. I am a pretty tough person and since I worked out my whole pregnancy I thought that would give me a “leg-up”. I am not a researcher so I hardly knew anything going into it. At one point I asked my nurse when active labor starts. “Oh, you’re in it” she said. Things started to get more intense and painful than I ever imagined. I decided if I didn’t have the epidural I would probably die. Since it was such a busy night, the nurse told us it could take an hour to three hours for the guy (I don’t remember what you call him) to get there! That was not ok. I looked at Fleet desperately and just said, “HELP ME”. Later he told me that was the worst moment for him because he really couldn’t do anything to help. THANKFULLY the guy (I should really look up his title) came a half hour later. Another answered prayer. He gave me the epidural and told me I would still feel one more contraction. Honestly, at that point the contractions hurt so bad that the news was devastating. ONE MORE? ugh. But, it did kick in pretty quickly and then things got fun. Fleet and I even got a nap in. I had this thing in the back of my mind that I would feel like I failed if I got the epidural. I’m honestly not sure why I thought that- I actually felt so proud of myself for how labor went. I was also quite proud of scientists and modern medicine in that moment. Good job guys!

The nurse came in saying they needed to give me Pitocin to speed up labor. I asked her to check me again though because I thought things were escalating pretty fast. Even though I had the epidural, I could still tell I was getting pretty dilated. She checked and I was at 10 cm! The nurse just looked at Fleet and said, “grab a leg.” Welcome to fatherhood I guess? I think I pushed for an hour total. It could have been less even but we had to wait for the doctor to get there. My doctor, Dr. Seeker, wasn’t on call that night but said he would come back if we wanted. (How nice is that?) He even came and gave me a hug and a pep talk when we first got to the hospital. I didn’t really care though so we had the on call doctor deliver. It was my first time meeting Dr. Wang but I felt like I had known her forever. She is one of the nicest people I have ever met and she was so encouraging. She said I was a really good pusher. She probably says that to everyone but you know what… I am a good pusher! It’s little things like that that make it such an amazing experience. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t really matter if I felt connected to her or not, but it seemed like God just kept pouring out grace upon grace.

When Vesper came it was so surprising. It seemed like the doctor threw her on me, it happened so fast. The second she was on my chest, God whispered the word “joy” to me. I wasn’t sure what to do with that just yet-other than acknowledge that yes, God, this is a joy. You spend nine months picturing what your baby will look like but she was even more beautiful than anything I had dreamed up. She hardly even cried- she was instantly content. When she was born the song “The Maze” by Manchester Orchestra was playing. (He actually wrote that song for his daughter.) There is a part that says,

It’s only beginning, its swallowing us

Somebody said it’s unspeakable love

Its amazing

You lift that burden off of me

The second she was born, I felt all of that. I felt a love so massive that it swallowed me. I felt a burden of sadness from previous hard years lifted. God was so good to me, beyond merit, and I worshipped Him. I was filled to the brim with joy.

The doctor encouraged Fleet to cut the cord. I thought it would be funny to say “ouch” when he cut it but turns out he didn’t enjoy that so much. Dr. Wang thought it was hilarious. I knew I liked her. She stitched me up while Fleet and I tried to think of a middle name for Vesper. We had actually talked about the name “Joy” a few months ago but I didn’t really like it at the time. After everything I shared though, I knew it was the name for her. This kind lady who worked on her birth certificate said she’d been doing this for 20 years and has never once seen the name “Vesper Joy” and when she saw it she got the chills. I loved that.

She ended up being born November 14th at 2:56 am. She weighed 7 lbs 4 oz. Megan and I were laughing later that we were saying how terrible the 13th was without realizing she could very easily be born on that date. Another close one!

Fleet’s parents waited in the lobby the whole 8 hours so they got to see Vesper that morning. My mom and Megan (and Ava Bean!) flew down that day and got to meet her right away, too. It was really special to have family around to welcome her into the world. We got discharged the next day and the rest is history!

Giving birth was honestly one of the best experiences of my life. I didn’t picture liking it so much, but I really did. From the first contraction to holding Vesper Joy in my arms- every single second was exciting. I had dreamed about this day for so long… I was thankful I got to experience every little bit of it. I like to think that Vesper will be happy to know her entrance into the world was filled with celebration, joy, and the presence of God.